14 things women need to know before shopping for a bra

Here are the very specific hells you go through while trying to buy a bra.

The price

Even for small-chested ladies like myself, most of my dresses are cheaper than my bras.

If you’re a larger-chested lady, then your bras are probably more expensive than your coats.

Men don’t have to bother with this bra-shopping nonsense

This is a whole item of clothing that only women have to deal with. Men are saving money and they don’t even realise it.

There’s very little middle-ground between frumpy and stripper.

You don’t want to be THAT sensible, but you need to be a little more sensible than the ‘sexy’ bras on offer.

And what’s even the point of a totally sheer bra anyway? Where’s the mystery?

Good luck finding a matching set

If they have the bra in your size, you can guarantee they won’t have the knickers.

Shop dilemma

Yes, all the expensive, fancy shops do very beautiful bras, but what’s the point in spending over N25.000 (50.000) FCFA on something that only you and a very select few others will see?

And then, at the other end of the spectrum, you value your boobs enough to not want to put them in a Primark bra that cost a fiver.

*Sigh* M&S it is, then.

The bra fittings

The last time I had a bra fitting they tried to tell me I was a C-cup.

Naively assuming that they knew what they were talking about, I obediently bought a load of C-cup bras.

Naturally, they were far too big and are now squashed at the back of my underwear draw.

Bras ALWAYS get tangled on the rails

You’ll spend a good few minutes just trying to free your size from the tangle.

The sizings are tricky

Women get to live in a happy world where their dress size is just one number (or various different numbers, depending on which shop you go to).

Until they go bra shopping. Then we have cup size and back measurement to take into consideration. And if the shop has your bra of choice in your cup size, you can guarantee they won’t have it in your back size.

Why do the pretty bras always have a raised pattern on them?

 Why can’t a bra be both pretty AND invisible under a tight-fitting top?

Bra sales do nothing but raise false hopes

If you’re an A-cup, bra sales must be heaven for you. But for me, an apparently very common 34B, bra sales just lead to me spending 15 minutes rifling through over-crowded rails before leaving, disappointed.

Flesh-coloured bras are just so depressingly unflattering

But ideal if you’re pale-skinned and you want to wear white. So you’re INTENTIONALLY buying something that looks terrible on you.

You can never tell if they fit properly in the shop

Sure, you can try them on in the shop. But they always have an anti-theft device attached to the strap, making it too tight, and the shoulder straps are always set to the shortest length.